And so it will come to be that you will experience times of feeling down and low. The crappyness of it all will permeate your entire existence and you’ll sigh and wonder what’s the point. Maybe you’ve become aware enough by now to see this pattern and you’ll sit with your feelings and watch them.
I watch my irritation with noises and messes and things out of place. I want to force everything back into order. I want my children to be still and quiet and not jumping and yelling and demanding.
I watch it. I look for an escape.
I look at the baby, and she penetrates me with her deeply dark brown eyes. And I remember my purposes. I rememeber the promise for kindness, compassion and a life lived with love and excitement.
- I breathe deep and re-commit to it. Because it does matter. Because there will be destruction and things I don’t like and I can make it better even if just by a little. It’s what we do. It’s how we’ve gotten here. With a desire for greatness. But our definition of greatness has been confused with our external surroundings. But there’s still time to go inside and make a home with everything. With everyone. It’s not all here for me to judge but rather to embrace my gift of life and be in it, with my dislikes and all. I’ve discovered that I can enjoy my dislikes and take them as part of it all. I can breathe in and out my fears of not being good enough and letting people down. It doesn’t exist. There’s only pushing forward with my hearts desire for connection and turning into tangible things we can do and eat. It flows through me so easily when I do this. From farm to folk. My hands small actions will become the things that my descendents will ponder and tell stories about. They will let themselves be overcome with my struggles and my private pains along with remembering the plants I adrored and the meals I made.
Our day to day tasks are so much more important than we think. They are the building blocks for the future. Without them, there is no future home for more to build on. They will build on our lives and do better than we did.
I’ll re-commit to those purposes a million thousand times a day if I have to.
I have to.